Taking care of babies or women with babies, for that matter, is an enviable job. Motherhood is the most rewarding position, work and status. Midwifery is much like motherhood, in that we watch women becoming mothers, nurturing their mothering instincts. When the caretaker gives (and gives) selflessly, she requires a centered foundation that is, itself, cared-for. As mothers and midwives, we must take time to nurture ourselves.
I remember hearing this from older (i.e. wiser) friends when my children were small, and although I knew there was truth in the sage words, I also had a defensive reaction-like the mother in me was being insulted, challenged, and questioned. I felt that my first obligation was to my kiddos-making sure their needs were met, while mine could wait. I didn’t feel that it was a “martyr thing”, either. Rather, it was my calling to function daily at a high-level for my kids, regardless sleep deprivation, a sore back, or PMS. It wasn’t until my kids were seeking more independence and peer interaction that I started taking time to nurture myself. I joined an Artist From Within group and scheduled the occasional massage and practiced yoga or danced.
Now as a mother of adolescents, I’ve committed much of my nurturing to my clients, the women and babies that I serve daily. Their needs are my priority and I extend myself to meet them. Now self-care is also my priority, and it feels like I rise to a higher-level of functioning each time I take time for a yoga class or walk around the lake. “Refilling my well” through self-nurturing: making my favorite dish for dinner, allowing myself to sleep in, reading for pleasure…these things, like little gifts to myself, give me momentum, clarity, joy and a healthy mental outlook. I have a good attitude and no guilt!
So, nurturing the nurturer isn’t a narcissistic endeavor-an egotisitcal excuse to indulge self at the cost of others. No. Women can be their best at mothering and in partnership, in part by taking care of themselves.
Someone sent this to me because of what I a going through.
When you look at our web site, it explains some of what I do, but it does go much deeper. 97% of my clients cannot afford cb classes or a doula.
I am non profit, so I raise the money to help the women that we work with.
I have started a program in one of our jails where we teach cb and parenting but we also are allowed to go to their birth.
I hit my wall a little over 2 months ago and had to stop everything. I mean everything. I did not like it. Felt like a failure. Had to cancel many engagements.
I am back to work doing 1/2 days and taking 2 days off. (this started last week – I am praying it will stick).
I don’t this this message gets out enough to women who are midwives, doulas, educators. If we do not take care of ourself, we cannot take care of our moms, but even more important, our family.
Thank you for writing this and I am glad my friend came across it!
Janice
I know that when I’m feeling healthy, well-rested and fed, I’m a better mother. Running on fumes, like all moms do, makes being a nurturer a very difficult job.