Nurturing the Nurturer November 1, 2008

Taking care of babies or women with babies, for that matter, is an enviable job.  Motherhood is the most rewarding position, work and status.  Midwifery is much like motherhood, in that we watch women becoming mothers, nurturing their mothering instincts.  When the caretaker gives (and gives) selflessly, she requires a centered foundation that is, itself, cared-for.  As mothers and midwives, we must take time to nurture ourselves.

I remember hearing this from older (i.e. wiser) friends when my children were small, and although I knew there was truth in the sage words, I also had a defensive reaction-like the mother in me was being insulted, challenged, and questioned.  I felt that my first obligation was to my kiddos-making sure their needs were met, while mine could wait.  I didn’t feel that it was a “martyr thing”, either.  Rather, it was my calling to function daily at a high-level for my kids, regardless sleep deprivation, a sore back, or PMS.   It wasn’t until my kids were seeking more independence and peer interaction that I started taking time to nurture myself.  I joined an Artist From Within group and scheduled the occasional massage and practiced yoga or danced.

Now as a mother of adolescents, I’ve committed much of my nurturing to my clients, the women and babies that I serve daily.  Their needs are my priority and I extend myself to meet them.  Now self-care is also my priority, and it feels like I rise to a higher-level of functioning each time I take time for a  yoga class or walk around the lake.  “Refilling my well” through self-nurturing:  making my favorite dish for dinner, allowing myself to sleep in, reading for pleasure…these things, like little gifts to myself, give me momentum, clarity, joy and a healthy mental outlook.  I have a good attitude and no guilt!

So, nurturing the nurturer isn’t a narcissistic endeavor-an egotisitcal excuse to indulge self at the cost of others.  No.  Women can be their best at mothering and in partnership, in part by taking care of themselves.

gentle caring July 30, 2008

The central role of a midwife is gentle caring. A woman and her family present their challenges to you at various stages of the childbirth year. Midwives must always be open and take time to listen. This is perhaps the most important quality of gentle caring. When a woman feels safe in opening up, she learns from herself. We are there to witness her growth. We don’t have control over her journey, nor can we navigate it for her. It is hers alone. Being there for women in times of need is an honor. Recognizing the central importance of listening and showing sincere compassion is the midwife’s job. It can be challenging to be truly present all the time, but it is a quest we must all challenge ourselves to meet if we are drawn

Breastfeeding challenges June 7, 2008

In the past year I’ve had a few clients with breastfeeding challenges. Specifically, these involve a baby who has difficulty with latch or sucking. The best resources that I’ve found are La Leche League’s The Breastfeeding Answer Book and the experienced lactation consultant. As a midwife, I provide full breastfeeding support to my clients, and it is well documented that clients of midwives have a significantly higher rate of breastfeeding success than women attended by physicians birthing in hospitals. I provide breastfeeding education prenatally, as well as access to my library of breastfeeding books. Although every situation is different, it is preferable for the baby to latch on with the mother’s gentle guidance soon after the birth. I often assist with first-time mothers with this process. When I visit on the 1st, 3rd and 5th day after the birth, breastfeeding support is often the primary focus of my work.

Yet, when a young baby is born early or when a baby has a structural barrier to effective breastfeeding, I turn to my resources. The nipple shield and a product known as “The Breast Friend.” have been effective tools in overcoming initial latch and suck problems, in addition to some brief training on the gloved-pinkie-finger. Latching is easier on Mom when she hand-expresses a bit of milk to soften nipple and to motivate the baby to “nipple” the drops that are excreted. Patience is a key component to successfully overcoming these challenges. Babies need time to learn, and so do mommies.

Midwives who watch, wait and encourage, offering appropriate suggestions in a manner that is non-intrusive and non-critical, can be a great comfort and source of information and support to new mothers and babies. Another resource that I’ve been utilizing in my practice is peer mentoring. Moms who have overcome similar challenges are the best teachers for new mothers who are frustrated, yet determined to establish successful breastfeeding. Sometimes I turn to those with the extra training and experience with breastfeeding challenges, the lactations consultants and La Leche League. A talented lactation consultant can bring a higher level of knowledge and additional tools on board to assist the family. Often, just one meeting with a consultant is all it takes for the mother to implement the suggestions and master techniques. La Leche League can offer a supportive community to the family and invaluable literature to both practitioners and new mothers.

Breastfeeding is a central component to healthy infant development. Assuring that my clients have every resource that they need to achieve successful breastfeeding is critical to my midwifery care. Sometimes, this entails bringing in another professional.

Choosing a midwife April 30, 2008

When a woman calls me who is expecting a baby or planning a pregnancy, I often ask her why she is interested in hiring a midwife. I’m so curious about what brings women to make this choice, so contrary to mainstream conditioning about fear around birth and the necessity of technological and medical assistance to birth. Many women tell me that they want a natural birth or a minimum of interventions in their birthing process. Sometimes I hear that a woman wants the support of a midwife (from mid-wife or with-woman). Other women want to avoid hospitals and the attendance of a male physician at the birth. There are numerous reasons why women choose midwives, but these are common themes for mothers who are having their first baby or their first out-of-hospital birth.

Although all of these reasons are valid, I often feel motivated to share more with the woman about the midwifery model of care-holistic, intimate, woman-centered, etc. It takes a while for this concept to sink in-that birth has been co-opted by the medical field-and that another completely different paradigm exists. It is so exciting to me that I want all women to understand that hiring a midwife is a lot more that a natural birth experience. It is an opportunity to grow into motherhood in a completely supportive environment-every step of the way-from conception through breastfeeding and beyond. Not that there isn’t a place for obstetrics-there clearly is a need for this specialty. But women deserve the right to know about their choices.

As long as they are having a healthy pregnancy, women can choose to have a midwife care for them during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum/newborn period. It is cheaper, more natural, more woman-centered, more empowering, and more supportive than they can find in the medical world. I hope more women have the opportunity to learn about their choice to choose a midwife!